Driving
Paddy, the famous Irishman, is driving home after downing a few at the local pub. He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a tree in the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid it and almost too late realizes that there is yet another tree directly in his path. He swerves again and discovers that his drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees. Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his car to a stop. The officer approaches Paddy's car and asks him what on earth he was doing. Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer stops him mid sentence and says. Fer crissakes, Paddy, that's yer air freshener!
Flies
An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints. The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another pint. The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow. The Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers and shakes him while yelling, Spit it out ya little so and so! Spit it out!
Irish Miracle
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. So, says the cop to the driver, where have ya been? Why, I've been to the pub of course, slurs the drunk. Well, says the cop, it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening. I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car? Oh, thank heavens, sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I had gone deaf."
Michael Byrne
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